


bad liar (with my feelings on fire)

by peanutbutternerd



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, beca is a Mess but she's trying her best, pp3 fix-it i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbutternerd/pseuds/peanutbutternerd
Summary: If she’s honest, Beca expected it to have disappeared by now. But here she is, pacing in her hotel room and chewing her thumbnail off in a frantic attempt to get her twisting heart back to a normal shape so it stops causing such an obstruction to her breathing. Damn, she really needs to get laid or something.But, okay. Beca has a crush on her best friend who also happens to be her roommate. So, what? It’s fine, she’s handling it.





	bad liar (with my feelings on fire)

**Author's Note:**

> hey sooooo i haven't written in a long time so be nice but also constructive criticism is welcome bc i'm too lazy to get a beta
> 
> the next chapters will be much longer but i was kinda just excited to get this first part posted so, go wild and get excited i guess

Beca’s walks home from work, head still reeling and heart still pounding from her spontaneous resignation.

She doesn’t have a job and she has rent to pay, in New York no less. There’s a voice in the back of her head that’s telling her she needs to call up Sammy immediately, beg for a reference and recommendation for another record label. There’s another quieter, but real voice telling her to turn back and apologize and withdraw her resignation and just produce Pimplo’s dumb ass song. But if Beca Mitchell has become one thing over the years, its strong. She is a woman of integrity and she will not further her career by doing something she doesn’t believe in.

She frowns, chewing on the inside of her cheek and puts her hand in her pocket to turn up the volume on her headphones. She tries to think positively; this means more open doors, time to explore options and to work on original content, which she’s becoming much more confident at. A break would be good. Necessary, even. Beca thinks she’s needed a breather for a solid six years.

By the time she’s home, she’s a mess of excitement and existential dread.

Once she’s through the door, she sees Amy’s blonde hair over the clothes rail and the words are out of her mouth like steam from a kettle. “I did it! I quit my job, hah.”

She starts to pace, dropping her bag and coat wherever they land.

“I never have to work there again. I cannot be a music producer without _integrity_.”

Upon her second lap of the tiny kitchen she trips over her bag. Amy spots her and removes her headphones.

“Did you say something?”

Beca huffs, her energy starting to drop. She realizes she’s starving, and she winces. “I quit my job!”

“You got fired?” Amy says, her eyes filling with sympathy.

“ _No_ ,” she presses. “I quit.” Amy looks like she doesn’t believe a word of it. Whatever. Beca’s tired.

Amy tries to make her feel better, wrestling her onto the bed and giving her a choke hold which is Amy’s version of a hug. And if it works, well, Beca’s not going to admit that. She loves her. Whatever.

Once she’s disentangled herself from Amy’s tentacles, she makes herself a cup of coffee and a peanut butter jelly sandwich. She makes enough for Chloe, because she realizes she should be home in two –

“Hey guys!”

Beca’s just bitten into her sandwich when she turns to see that Chloe has removed her coat, only to reveal an outfit Beca thought she had blacked out the memory of permanently. Ace of Base rings in her ears and images of Aubrey’s vomit burn her eyelids. But the shirt looks even better on Chloe than it did when Beca was a freshman, and Beca isn’t prepared for the weird mix of nausea and hunger.

“Why are you wearing _that_? Did you wear that to _work_?”

Chloe smiles, brightly but also with a hint of embarrassment. “Yeah, under my scrubs.”

“Oh sweetie, why?”

The pet name thing. Well, that’s been weird. It started about six months ago when Beca accidentally said “Thanks, babe” to Chloe when she handed her a spoon for her cereal. Beca had been mortified, more or less. Chloe had always thrown pet names around for her friends, and Beca had been no exception. Beca had relied on the word “dude” and nothing else. That’s who they were. But the word had rolled right off Beca’s tongue with no permission from her brain whatsoever and Beca had frozen, spoon still being held mid-air by both of them. Chloe had just looked at her strangely, but with a soft smile that was worth Beca’s embarrassment, although she vowed not to do it ever again.

Three months in, and ‘honey’ had been added to the mix. Chloe never says anything, even though she looks surprised every time, followed by a tiny smile. Beca has just accepted that the damage had been done and there was no point in trying to turn around. And Chloe likes it, so whatever.

“Because it reminds me I was special once.” Beca’s heart twinges. She hates when Chloe talks like that. “And also because tonight is…”

Chloe looks back and forth between Beca and Amy, as though the answer should be obvious and Beca is suddenly very lost. It's been a confusing day. Amy looks puzzled, a half-eaten Twizzler sticking out of her mouth. Chloe looks furious.

“The Bella’s reunion!”

And Beca leaves the reunion feeling slightly tipsy and the next three months of her life all mapped out. So much for a well-needed break.

But she gets to spend those next few weeks with her girls, doing what she loves. And she won’t lie, she’s excited. She walks home with Amy drunkenly singing Who Run The World and trying to do their World’s handshake on her own. Chloe is linking her arm and babbling excitedly about how they’re going to get to sing together and be _Co-Captains_ again and there’s no talk of not feeling special or lingering sadness around Chloe’s eyes and Beca thinks, this is going to be good.

 ------

Beca wants to go home.

They lost the riff-off as usual, she was shown up by a sexy guitarist and Chloe keeps flirting with _Chicago_. God, what a stupid fucking name.

Beca’s always felt a weird discomfort about anyone Chloe shows interest in, or who shows interest in her. For the first five years (yikes, she knows) she had chalked it up to pure protectiveness as Chloe’s best friend. She knew how special and soft Chloe was, and it was only natural for her to be wary until whomever Chloe was dating proved they were worth her time.

It was only around last year, at Aubrey’s birthday party at the Lodge which they had hired out, where Beca had realized there was an ugly green monster housing itself in her ribcage. She had been a little drunk, sure, but the feeling was no less real than the hair on her head.

It had been a perfectly enjoyable night, so Beca had no other reason to be as upset as she was when she clocked Chloe making out with one of Aubrey’s coworkers. A tall brunette with a half sleeve of tattoos up on arm, an arm that was snaked around Chloe’s waist. She felt as though someone had poured ice cold vodka into her blood stream, Beca had went dizzy. She’d downed her drink, despite the stirring in her stomach urging her to throw up, and rushed out to the smoking area of the bar.

Surprisingly, it was Aubrey who had followed her.

_“Hey, Beca. Are you alright? You rushed out here pretty quickly.”_

_Beca’s eyes sting. She really is not in the mood to talk about feelings that she doesn’t even understand. Aubrey’s gaze is warm and worried, and Beca feels a tremendous guilt. It’s Aubrey’s birthday and she shouldn’t ruin it._

_“I’m sorry,” she says, fishing an old packet of cigarettes out of her bag. Aubrey looks like she is going to snap Beca’s wrists, but softens when Beca lifts her head and she sees her eyes swimming in tears. “God - fuck. I’m really sorry, please don’t worry about me. I’m just gonna have this and I’ll be back in,” she says quickly. She gets the lighter out._

_“Beca, you’re shaking.” There’s no point in denying it either, because she can’t even light the damn cigarette. Aubrey takes the lighter gently from her hands and takes the cigarette from Beca’s mouth and puts it in her own. She lights it for her and hands it back._

_“Uh, thanks.”_

_“Sure.”_

_Beca likes Aubrey, and Aubrey likes her. After their retreat in senior year, they kept in touch a lot more frequently. Aubrey is one of the strongest, most inspiring people she knows. And she really doesn’t want to ruin her birthday, but she really is going to cry right now because Chloe is inside_ kissing _that girl and Beca can taste blood._

_“Fuck,” she says, haphazardly wiping at her cheeks. She takes a long drag of her cigarette and tries to compose herself. “I’m sorry.”_

_Aubrey places a gentle, firm hand on Beca’s shoulder. “You haven’t done anything, don’t worry.” Her hand rubs in soothing circles. “You’re okay.”_

_They’re silent while Beca smokes about half of her cigarette and Aubrey doesn’t stop rubbing her back until she stops crying._

_“It’s Chloe, isn’t it?” she asks, cautiously and quietly._

_Beca doesn’t know how to speak without screaming right now, so she just nods, taking another drag of the cigarette._

_“I thought as much.”_

_“I, um. I don’t really know what happened. I’ve seen her kiss people a handful of times.” She stops, images flashing in her head and breaking her heart. She takes a deep breath. “It’s always made me feel weird, but not like- fuck. Not like all of my bones have been broken. Christ, listen to me, what is_ happening _to me?”_

_“Do you like her?”_

_“Of course I like her,” she huffs, a cloud of smoke filling the space in front of her. She wishes she could disappear with it. “She’s my best friend.”_

_Aubrey frowns. “You know what I mean.”_

_Beca thinks about it even though she doesn’t want to think about it. Thinks about how her mornings are never as bright when Chloe has to leave early for training and they don’t get to have coffee together. Thinks about how every time she’s asked on her date she feels disinterest, and every time Chloe gets a date she’s up until 3am mixing her mind away. Thinks about the way Chloe calls everyone “babe” and how Beca isn’t special._

_“I don’t know, okay. I don’t know,” she says weakly. She finishes the cigarette and drops it onto the ground. Another round of tears bubbles up within her, and she’s too tired to push them away._

_“Oh, Beca,” Aubrey sighs. She pulls her in for a hug and she’s just a little too tall but she holds her tight anyway. “That’s okay. You don’t have to know what your feelings are right now.”_

_“I’m really sorry,” Beca mumbles into her chest, and hugs her back tightly, desperate to hold onto anything that will ground her._

_Aubrey shushes her softly, and when Beca calms down Aubrey fixes her makeup for her and brings her some water. “Drink this first, then you can get another tequila.” Beca chuckles, despite herself._

_“Thanks.”_

_“Right,” Aubrey says, clapping her hands together, instantly in Captain-mode. “You’re going to wake up tomorrow and you’re gonna deal with your feelings like the adult you are. But right now, you’re going to go have a good time.”_

_Beca drinks the water and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “When was the last time I listened to you, Posen?”_

_Aubrey cheers. “There she is!”_

_“Shut up and get me to the bar.”_

If she’s honest, Beca expected it to have disappeared by now. But here she is, pacing in her hotel room and chewing her thumbnail off in an attempt to get her twisting heart back to a normal shape so it stops causing such an obstruction to her breathing. Damn, she really needs to get laid or something.

But, okay. Beca has a crush on her best friend who also happens to be her roommate. So, what? It’s fine, she’s handling it.

She stops in her stride with a jump when there’s a quick knock on the door. She walks over to open it and is blinded by a bright smile with red hair.

“There you are!” Chloe cheers, striding into Beca’s hotel room without waiting for an invite. Beca’s butterflies flutter upwards into her throat and she forgets she’s supposed to be irritated, entirely too concerned with what she’s doing with her hands.

“Here I am,” she says, gritting her teeth in what she hopes passes for a smile, and shuts the door. “And please, do come in.”

Chloe sits on the bed and quirks an eyebrow. “Becs, we’ve lived in the same house for… I don’t even know how many years. I - ”

“Five,” Beca interrupts. She reaches for the bottle of water on the bedside table.

“ _Five_ years. Now what would you be doing that you wouldn’t allow me be privy to?” There’s a lilt to Chloe’s voice, and Beca hears sirens. It’s a trap.

It’s a trap, and Beca’s going to fall for it. Every time.

She frowns. “I could have been in the shower. Or something.” She unscrews the cap of the water bottle and takes a swig.

Chloe shrugs, but there’s a smirk in the corner of her lips. One which Beca definitely shouldn’t be noticing, but definitely is. “Nothing I haven’t seen before,” she says, tossing her red locks over her shoulder. “And 10/10 wouldn't mind seeing again.”

Beca coughs and splutters, and the water goes everywhere but down her throat. And if it comes out of her nose, well. Maybe Chloe was polite enough not to mention it or laughing too much to be able to.

See? She’s handling it.


End file.
